290 Days of You

290 Days of You

“People change, feelings change. It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true and real. It simply just means, that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.”


Falling out of love is a curious kind of agony. You might not have wanted to, yet you still did. It’s hard accepting that you fell out of love with someone you thought you’re going to spend your life with. That you two aren’t just meant to be together. 

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but it would be unfair to the both of us and especially to you if we continue what we have and act like nothing is really wrong.

To be honest, I don’t know how it all started, but all I know is we had this really small fight not really worth mentioning about and to be honest I actually don’t remember what it is and then it just happened. All the fights that we’ve been ignoring the past few months, the problems, all of it came crashing down on us.

That’s the day I realised that the both of us are not in the same page anymore. We lost what we have and to be completely honest I don’t think we can ever take it back. What we thought we knew in absolutes, turned out to be conditional. 

You are by far the sweetest, the most amazing boyfriend any girl would be very lucky to have, I wish that girl was me but its not. We want completely different things now and we just grew up. We could just ignore the differences and just continue what we have but for how long? How long can we keep doing it? I think its bound for us to part ways, you have taught me a lot in those 290 days and I never regret any of it. You’ll always have a special place in my heart.

I know that right now we aren’t talking, but I do hope you read this. I didn’t fell out of love because I fell in love with someone, I didn’t fell out of love because I got sick of you. We just grew up, we changed. I don’t know if this is worth anything but I am really sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me. 

To fall out of love is as simple and painful and complex and cathartic as “we” turning into “were”


– Callie xo

Unrequited

Unrequited

“It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can’t have them in your arms”

I do believe that human beings tend to gravitate to those who we can’t have. Especially when we feel connected to a person and want them in our lives for the long haul. It’s an interesting thing, because those who fancy us and give us attention, we tend not to want.

I know that in the past when I’ve liked someone, it’s usually been because I’ve been fascinated with the idea of them, once they got too close, i’d be quick to push away. I can honestly say I’ve only allowed to feel love once thus far. And I can’t have them, and yet in some twisted way it makes me want them more. Because they fit well with me, personality wise and because I’ve grown to be so fond of this person.
I’d be quick to say, that I hate how love ends up being a game most of the time. But then again, i’ll be one of the first to admit, that in love, you need a flame, a spark to get things started. And then once you grow so close with a person, you don’t see love as a back and forth thing, you want that person, fully, and when it’s not working in your favor, it’s simply devastating.

Callie x

What I Did Today pt. 3

What I Did Today pt. 3

Woke up atbaround 12 today because lately getting up from bed has become a lot harder because its so cold out and all you want to do is just snuggle to bed all day. And oh, we got our first snowfall last week, Thursday, I guess and according to my friends, it came a little late this year. I don’t know because its my first time to experience winter here in Oslo cause in London we rarely get snow, but I think yesterday as I was reading the news, they said that it already snowed there, so good for them. 

On the other hand, today is Emily’s birthday. I went out at around 1:00 to buy something for her cause its our first time celebrating it together and I want it to be really special. I’ve only met her like four months ago and I’ve become super close to them. Especially her & Cassie they’ve always been there for me since the start of my internship and I’m so grateful for them. They’re like the sisters I never had. I bought her a bag and her favourite lipstick. Its not much but I know she’ll appreciate it. I also bought her a cake! Because what’s a party without a cake right? 

Headed to her apartment at 3:00 together with Ivan. Little story, they’re actually pretty close. Apparently they were neighbours back then and Em considers Ivan as her little brother, I was surprised at first because I really have no idea. When Ivan first went into S&S I even introduced him to Em and I felt embarrassed because Em said “I actually know him, he’s like my little brother” hahah okay. If anyone is the outsider here I am. That’s what I was feeling before but now things have changed I’m part of them now. 

Well, we talked a lot during the party. There are actually a few people than I expected just Ivan, Cassie and Josh, Me, Em’s cousin, Her boyfriend (Kurt) and her parents. Just the eight of us. Maybe she just want to celebrate it lowkey. I would too. 

After that we went home at around 6:30 I guess and its already so dark out. Its like midnight already and its freezing cold. It’s -4° for christ sake. Ivan walked me home and talked about nonsense stuff as usual. 

After I arrived home I realised my heater isn’t working because the aprtment is freezing so right now. I’m in my bed covers super cold and couldn’t even tupe properly cause I feel like my fingers are frozen. So good luck to me in sleeping tonight. 

Bye! I guess haha.

Callie x

What I Did Today pt. 2

What I Did Today pt. 2

Well, the title should be “what I did yesterday” but whatever.

So yesterday, I didn’t actually do much. I went to Netcom because I can’t receive any messages from my phone and I tried everything but still I received none so I thought its some problem to my network. I’ve been given a new number and so far it’s working again. But the struggle of texting everyone and letting them know that I’ve changed my number is a hassle, honestly, I can’t be bothered so the people who knows that I’ve changed my number can still be counted in one hand. I’m too lazy. 

I had lunch alone, which has become a habit because my friends and co-workers usually eats lunch really late and I have no choice but to eat alone. Its okay, at first it was hard but after a while you’ll get used to it. Sometimes, I even prefer eating alone cause I don’t know. I’m not really a people person, I guess.

Went home at around 4:30 and since its friday I watched the latest episode of Scream Queens and American Horror Story. You don’t know how hard it is to stop yourself from looking at their official accounts and see what was happening in the show. The handler of the accounts of Scream Queens and AHS live tweet every episode and its so hard to stop myself from seeing some spoilers because they retweet a lot of things related to the show. Can’t blame them though, its their work so when its time for scream queens or ahs I just logs off twitter and just sleep. 

Today is Saturday. I think I’ll catch up on some sleep, do the laundry and do the groceries. I’ve been eating cereals for the past week because I literally only have those on my pantry. 

I guess that’s it? That’s what I did today. I mean yesterday, but you get it. Right?

Callie xx

I’m dating a med student

I’m dating a med student

Gabriel is a second year medical student at St. George’s, University of London. Some people say that dating a med students is a jackpot, because it’s known that med students are caring, loving, and you have an instant doctor when you’re sick. They don’t really know thay dating a med student has its struggle and difficulties. There would be a time where he seems really distant and doesn’t want to talk to anyone because of so much stress and times where the only time that you’re gonna talk is when you’re already saying goodnights. 

Med school is a lot of stress. There are a lot of things that you think about, like the responsibilities constantly increasing, daily adaptation and managing life can be hard. Trying to make everything fit is tough, and in the case of Gabriel he also have personal responsibilities to deal with. Like our relationship, bills to pay and student loans. 

One thing I learned about being a med student is that studying is their life. Gabriel has class from 8am to 5pm. After his class, he studies at least until about midnight and on a Saturday, he has lab all day. His only day off is Sunday and can you guess how he spends it? Yep ladies and gents, still studying. 

  

Now, I also have school and internship. True, I sit on the couch and watch television after five, but I still have things to do. Gabriel and I have a one hour time difference. Its not really that bigga deal but still, its different. Making time to talk to one another is often one of the the hardest thing to do. 

We’re already far away from each other. I can’t hold him, touch him, make him feel better when he feels stressed out, make lunch for him so thay he doesn’t starve. I can’t even call him when I just want to talk about a good or a bad day I’m having.

True, with his busy schedule and my not so busy schedule, the communication is absolutely important and essential to the bitality of our relationship. However, I have to take a step back and look at what he’s going through, and realise that I have to be a bit more understanding. Just because he doesn’t call me everytime I want to or doesn’t text me often just like other boyfriends usually would do, does not mean he doesn’t love me, it doesn’t mean he is cheatinf on me. It doesn’t mean any of that. All it means is that he’s caught up in ome of his various commitments. 

Before I left for Oslo, we talked extensively about how this was going to affect out relationship and what we would do about it. I made him promise me only one thing: He would talk to me everyday, even if it was just to say good night or I love you. And I kid you not, he really makes an effort to talk to me everyday and if he doesn’t really have time for long conversations he would just make sure that I’m doing okay and say that he loves me. I can’t really explain just how special and wonderful that made me feel. It’s hard to show someone how much you care for them when you are so far away, so telling me everyday is one of the best thibgs he has done to constantly reassure me that he cares. Because believe me, if you haven’t already, you will start to think thay your med student partner doesn’t care about you and med school is more important than you are. It takes a lot of trust and communication. Between Gabriel and I we do everything in our power to make our relationship work. It takes a tough, caring and supportive person to date a med student, but I have no regrets about it.

Callie xx

Depression

Depression

So, the other day. This Cameron Dallas guy tweeted some really dumb shit about depression which made a big fuss over the internet/twitter. Here, I’ll show you the tweet and other people’s reaction.

Cameron Dallas’ tweets:    

  Some of the reaction of other people:   

    
    
 
Those are just some of it. There are a lot of negative reaction to it actually but if I’ll screenshot all of them then this post will take forever.

I don’t understand why Cameron Dallas tweeted that, maybe he’s trying to help or he’s trying to make his fans feel better but he should educate himself on what depression really is. You can’t just tell them to go out and make new friends. Curing depression doesn’t work that way. Because if it were that easy all of the people who has depression should have been cured at the moment. 

The fact that he promoted MAGCON in his second tweet is disgusting, how the hell is MAGCON connected to depression. So does he mean that if there’s no MAGCON he won’t talk to his fans about depression? 

This is why you stay in school, kids. School is fun actually, I don’t know why some of you hate it with passion. It helps you avoid social embarrasment like this one. 

So what is really depression? 

  

Depression is different from the usual mood fluctuations and short-lived emotional response to challenges in everyday life. Especially when long-lasting and with moderate or severe intensity, depression may become a serious health condition. It can cause the affected person to suffer greatly and function poorly at work, school and in the family. At its worst, depression can lead to suicide. Over 800,000 people die to suicide every year and suicide is the second leading cause of death in 15-29 year olds. 

Facts and Statistics:

  • Over 50% of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. 
  • More Americans suffer from depression rather than coronary heart disease, cancer, and HIV/AIDS 
  •  An estimated 350 million of all ages suffer from depression.
  • More women are affected by depression than men.

Depression is not a joke and it ahould be talen really seriously. If we know someone who suffer from depression help them. But not the “everything will be alright” “go out and talk to someone” “make new friends” kind of help. Giving support may mean more than just a shoulder to cry on. Someone who has depression can’t just sleep it off; they can’t avoid it. So make them realise that treatment is key, get active in their care. Tell your friend or loved one that depression is a medical problem and ignoring it will not make it go away. 

I’m going to put all the suicide hotline around the world here in case you need it or someone you know does.

  

Worldwide Suicide Hotlines

Albania: 127                                Argentina: (54-11) 4758-255 Australia: 13 11 14                                Austria: 142                                  Barbados: (246) 4299999          Belgium: 106                                 Botswana: 3911270                            Brazil: +55 51 211 2888                 Canada – Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311                                            Canada – Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311 Canada – TTY: 1-866-872-0113 Canada – BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)                                         China: 0800-810-1117                     China (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332                              Croatia: (01) 4833-888                 Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67          Denmark: +45 70 201 201              Estonia (1): 126                                   Estonia (2): 127                                  Estonia (3): 646 6666                            Fiji (1): 679 670565                                 Fiji (2): 679 674364                       Finland: 01019-0071                      France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30  Germany (1): 0800 1110 111         Germany (2): 0800 1110 222           Germany (youth): 0800 1110 333 Ghana: 233 244 846 701                 Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164     Hungary: (46) 323 888                     India: 2549 7777                                Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 Ireland (2): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 Ireland (3): 1850 60 90 90            Ireland (4): 1850 60 90 91               Israel: 1201                                              Italy: 199 284 284                                Japan (1): 03 5774 0992                    Japan (2): 03 3498 0231                 Kenya: +254 20 3000378/2051323 Liberia: 06534308                        Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888          Malaysia (1): (063) 92850039 Malaysia (2): (063) 92850279 Malaysia (3): (063) 92850049     Malta: 179                                       Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93        Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221 Netherlands: 0900-0767                    New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999      New Zealand (2): 0800 111 777 Norway: +47 815 33 300                  Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011 Philippines: 02 -896 – 9191         Poland (1): +48 527 00 00             Poland (2): +48 89 92 88          Portugal: (808) 200 204               Samoa: 32000                                    Serbia: 32000                             Singapore: 1800- 221 4444            South Africa: 0861 322 322          Sweden (1): 020 22 00 60             Sweden (2): 020 22 00 70  Switzerland: 143                          Thailand: (02) 713-6793             Ukraine: 058                                       United Kingdom (1): 08457 909090 United Kingdom (2): +44 1603 611311 United Kingdom (3): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92                                                      United Kingdom (4): 1850 60 90 90 United Kingdom (5): 1850 60 90 91 United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)                                             Zimbabwe (1): (263) 09 65000 Zimbabwe (2): 0800 9102



Much love,

Callie xx


Sources:

What I Did Today

So I’m starting this new category. “What I Did Today” well the name says for itself. Its just like an update entry but just for a day. Haha. I guess? I don’t know. I hope you get it!

So today, October 31, HALLOWEEN! Best night of the year. Cassandra & I went out. We’ve been planning to go out for ages already but it just won’t push through because of her work and I have school too. Today’s the perfect time because its the halloween weekend. 

We had lunch, talk about things and a lot more. One thing that we talked about is relationship she’s actually good friends with Gabriel they knew each other long before I came into the picture. Which is a good thing because I can ask her a lot of things about him. I like it when people talk about him its like I’m getting to know him more and more and that’s actually the purpose. I really want to know him deeper. Of course even if we’ll be together for years, I guess there will still be a lot of things to learn about each other, because both of us are growing. I really do hope we reach years. We’re still at our 2 month mark and we still have a lot of improvements to do. Honestly, when we first started dating I thought there’ll be a lot of fights and misunderstandings because we really disagree on a lot of things but surprisingly, we rarely fight/argue and I’m so thankful for that.

I also asked Cassandra about her relationship with her boyfriend. I really admire both of them cause they let each other grow, they aren’t the type of couple who must always do things together. They let each other discover things alone and at the end of the day they share it to each other. That’s so sweet right? So I asked her tips on how to maintain a good kind of relationship. 

  
After our lunch, we went shopping. Our favourite thing to do. I bought an MK purse because my old one was already really ragged & its embarrasing to take out in public. She bought a Burberry scarf because in her own words she just wants to. I wish I could buy stuffs too because I just wanr to. That would be so cool. I can’t wait to be successful like her. Someday. Someday I will be. I’m claiming it! 

  
We went home at around 4 and its already dark out. We only get 9 hours of daylight here already, which only means that winter is coming. Ugh. Its a love-hate relationship between winter & I. (I’ll mention on my next blog post the pros and cons of winter according to my opinion) 

When I arrived home, I immediately changed into my jammies and binge watch on horror movies because why not its Halloween. My mum called late today because work, nothing new. She just asked how my day was and she told me on what’s happening back home. That’s the routine my mum & I had. Sometimes I’m getting bored at it so I just ignore her call. Haha. I know I’m a bad person. But actually, the inspiration to this new category was from my mum & I’s routine conversation. Why not blog about it? It’s okay, I guess.

So thanks for reading! I’ll see you again next time, yeah?

Callie xx